What?! Man Wants to Settle Custody Fight with Estranged Wife using Samurai Swords

What?! Man Wants to Settle Custody Fight with Estranged Wife using Samurai Swords

Divorce, as anyone who has been through it or who has observed someone who has been through it, can often be very brutal. An estranged couple, who presumably went up the aisle in love enough with one another to say “I do” to the idea of being married for life will find themselves on the opposite sides of an unarmed war with the house, the kids, and lots of money at hazard. Every tactic, short of mayhem, seems to be permitted.

According to the UK Guardian, David Ostrom of Paola, Kansas wants to elevate things to the level of mayhem and, perhaps, death. He has petitioned the divorce court to allow him to confront his estranged wife on the field of honor and settle matters with katanas, the swords that ancient Japanese samurai carried and used against one another.

Ostrom claims that his former wife Bridgett and her lawyer Matthew Hudson had “destroyed him legally.” He claims that the code duello has never been officially outlawed in the United States or any of the subordinate states or localities. He would like the judge to grant him 12 weeks for time to acquire the kit of a samurai and, presumably, train in its use. Finally, he allows the former Ms. Ostrom to allow her lawyer to fight in her place.

Mr. Hudson, apparently taking this motion seriously, filed a counter-motion. He contends that since a duel with live steel can result in serious injury or death, that factor far outweighs the issues of property or visitation rights. He also suggested that while no law exists that forbids a duel to the death between consenting adults, courts are generally enjoined from ordering them.

The presiding judge, Craig Dreismeier, has decided to punt for the time being. The judge suggests that both motions have so many irregularities in them that they cannot be considered seriously.

On a more serious note, according to USA Today, Hudson has asked the court to suspend Ostrom’s visitation rights and to undergo a psychological evaluation. Ostrom has denied that he has a mental health issue.

Nothing in any media account has revealed why Ostrom wants to diel with his estranged wife or her chosen champion specifically with a katana. Why not rapiers medieval broadswords, or pistols? Perhaps Ostrom is a fan of Akira Kurosawa movies. Perhaps he has watched “Kill Bill” one too many times.

The jokes on social media have gone as expected. A gentleman on Twitter who is a comedian calling himself Roy Wood Jr., Ex Jedi, quipped, “Divorce Court meets Kill Bill. I would watch this show. Ostrom said his ex-wife can choose her attorney as a “champion,” or stand-in fighter. He asked the Court to give him 12 weeks to source or forge katana and wakizashi swords.”

Respondents replied with gifs from shows like “Game of Thrones” images of a very scary real-life samurai and the classic scene from “Raiders of the Lost Ark” where Indiana Jones shoots the scimitar wielding thug in the marketplace. One suggestion that made a strange kind of sense involved Ostrom and his estranged wife settling their difference by playing the Mortal Combat video game.

One fly in the ointment concerning Ostrom’s trial by combat scheme is that while perhaps duels are not officially forbidden, killing people as a result of a duel is. One can fight with blunted swords. The Society for Creative Anachronism does that sort of thing all the time at Renaissance Festivals, Another alternative would be a game of Laser Tag.

The judge, barring some attack of whimsy, is not likely to grant even a nonviolent version of a duel to Mr. Ostrom. It does not take a mental health expert to realize that the man is not normal and needs help that does not involve allowing him to carve up his estranged wife or her champion like a Thanksgiving turkey.

Finally, Mark Steyn, subbing for Rush Limbaugh on the popular radio talk show, did have an attack of whimsey, He suggested, tongue no doubt in cheek, that katana duels be used in other legal disputes, say impeachment. Perhaps Adam Schiff would be less eager to bring proceedings against President Trump if the result may be losing his head literally rather than just figuratively.


23 thoughts on “What?! Man Wants to Settle Custody Fight with Estranged Wife using Samurai Swords

  1. I personally think this a good resolution to the problem. I do not trust lawyers farther than I could throw Texas. Let them but get a balanced and equal swords. They took an oath to stay married and just because her lawyer in her boy friend is no excuse.

  2. Who knows he may start a trend to rid ourselves of all the crooked lawyers and even if the lawyer was having an affair with the wife I’ll bet he makes more out of the suit than the ex-wife

  3. No Stand In. This is a matter of honor, of valor, of blood-lust. Battle of the Sexes ! The Last Samurai vs “ME TO” Tom for Him – Oprah for Her.

  4. The laws regarding marriage [and pretty much everything else in America] have become so distorted from reality or what they were intended that I will never get married.

  5. How about a good game of paint ball and the looser has to display themselfs to the media. I beleive that the devorce courts need to be overhauled and more far treatment for the husband needs to be established. My friend Robert did very well for himself and his family until his wife had an afair . he know lives in a trailer, has no money , had to sell his busness and isn’t allowed to see his kids , is that justis

  6. Now what ex husband hasn’t thought of this very same thing. Cutting up your wife’s divorce lawyer is about as common as it gets but few act on it. Still I would have stuck with something a little more familiar.

  7. Interesting, but the guy clearly needs an evaluation by mental health since he is apparently serious. I will admit I did crack a smile. 🙊 🙉 🙈

  8. He is no more mentally deficient than some of our very own US Presidents of the past, who have had duels. So I support his choice for a duel. Why with Japanese style swords? I have no idea. I would think pistols would be more American.

    The marriage contract is for life, why do people not treat it as such any more? The easily acquired divorce is destroying the family in America. If divorce was a risky thing to attempt, perhaps even fatal, then maybe people would not marry without a very serious amount of clear thought involved beforehand.

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